Between the Past and Future

To be honest, I still feel a bit confused because of the decisions that I've been making lately. It's quite easy to tell myself that "it's my final decision, so I can stop thinking", but it's much harder to actually stick to it. What if I'm actually still running away from myself? What if that's just the thought of being bond to something (could be a city, job, could also be someone?) that scares me and so I'm longing to leave before I have too many serious reasons to stay where I am? But I still believe there are rational reasons behind my decision to move and I hope to stick to it. I think in most of cases it's better to take the risk than to accept something that you're not completely happy with... There won't be much to regret anyway, right? One thing that I'd really like to learn is not to regret anything that has happened in the past. I think I'm already blaming myself less than I used to for some stupid decision, but I'd like to get over it totally. Done is done. And it had to be done for some reason, which seemed to be valid back then. It's so much worse to regret not having taken any actions, when you had the opportunity...

Me in Ternopil on Saturday

On Saturday I went on a short trip to Ternopil, which is some 140 km away from Lviv. It felt literally like a trip into the past. I used to come to Ternopil very often before I actually moved to Ukraine and also during my first 2 years in the country, because I used to have a close friend there. Nowadays we barely talk to each other and there've been several reasons for that... We had a huge disagreement in the end of 2013, as she couldn't understand why I didn't support the whole "Euromaidan" thing and we stopped talking afterwards. But, to be completely honest, I wasn't even angry with her. I could easily understand that people were very emotional at that point (and that politicians would do anything to make the society even more obsessed with the idea of revolution), so I didn't mind. I think it was just the "last drop", while the real connection between us had been lost much earlier. She's a very nice and kind girl. She's always willing to help everyone. But she's been very unhappy with her life, very lonely... And has never done anything to change it. There was a time when I offered her to be my flatmate without paying anything until she finds a job, but she refused and stayed where she was. Now that we talk to each other very sporadically and our meetings happen maybe once in two years, it really saddens me to see how things have become for her. I wouldn't like to go into details, because I'm sure she wouldn't be happy to know that I'm writing about her on a blog (even if it's in a foreign language..), but I'm afraid that she already needs professional help. Unfortunately, I also know that she won't seek for it, because she believes that it's just the way it has to be and that it's to late to change anything...

We went to a pizzeria and were discussing the "old good times"... I also told her about my doubts and she just said "You're only 24, you have the whole life ahead!", but then I answered "Remember? When we first met you were 25. And you were already telling me that it was too late for you...". This conversation made me feel that it's never too late or too early. It's never too late to try to change something, but there's also no point in telling myself that I haven't tried enough to accept the current situation and that I should wait more. All the time frames are so illusionary! We always consider ourselves either too old or too young for something. We always tell ourselves either to hurry up or to slow down... What is much harder is to find the true answer to the ultimate question: What do I really want regardless of all the circumstances? I'm afraid I'll still have doubts for some period of time and write lame blog entries. But it will be over at some point.

I was planning to tell you about the small language experiment that I've been making lately as well (me being the main "guinea pig"), but this entry is already getting too long, so I'll do it the next time. For now I'll just share the next part of "Hopelessly drowning in mail" series and go to sleep ;) 

From Katka in Czech Republic

This letter comes from Katka in Czech Republic. She has met me, she has seen that I'm crazy and she still wants to write with me! :D How great is that? ;)

From Erin in the USA

A very long and thoughtful letter from Erin in the USA.

From Mihaela in Romania

Mihaela from Romania has sent me a really nice letter, she has also enclosed two postcard and traditional red bracelets, which symblise the beginning of spring (1st of Match) as far as I understand :)

From Marina in Russia

This letter comes from my Russian friend Marina :) She's a very creative person and always makes amazing envelopes! This one is just perfect for a railway maniac like me! :D

From Søren in Iceland

Another long and interesting letter from my dear friend Søren. He has also sent me a candy with salty liquorice, but I'm afraid I've eaten it before I managed to take any photos :D I think he'll receive my answer on 10th April ;)

From Steph in Germany

Steph from Germany contacted me a few months ago on Interpals and just now I received her intro... If she only knew how much behind I am ;) But her letter is actually really nice, so I'll surely answer her, even if it takes me a while.

Of course, I've also written and sent some letters. But my pile of mail is still growing and no, I'm not going to tell you how many letters I currently have left to answer. But I'll surely let you know, when the number goes below 10 :P

For Jennifer in UK

For Vita in Ukraine

I've also sent a letter to Tasha in UK, but I realised that the battery of my camera was low only after coming to the post office, so unfortunately I wasn't able to take a picture of it. So you'll just have to believe me that I've indeed sent it and used nice stamps ;) Currently I'm working on my letter to Kim in Belgium... And yes, just trying not to think of the numbers ;)