One year older... And maybe a bit wiser?

I think there's no point in beginning my blog entries for apologies for being rather inactive both on Internet and in the penpalling world... It just is the way it is now and I can only hope that I'll be back to my normal routine soon. Some say that the period around one's birthday isn't brilliant for most of people, so let's try to use it as an excuse for now, even if I don't believe in this sort of things ;)

Yes, yesterday was my birthday and it was quite nice, even if I didn't celebrate it. I went to one of my favourite cafe's in Lviv, had chai latte and wrote a letter, which was really relaxing. I also got a really great news from my Dad - this year we'll most likely travel together to 3 countries that I've never been to! :) I think it's going to happen in July, but we haven't decided yet and I'm already excited nevertheless! :) Usually I travel somewhere on my birthday as well, but this weekend I didn't feel like going anywhere and didn't want to force myself. And anyway, there's no point in escaping, I'm already old enough to realise it. I had the argument with my Mum in the evening anyway. She's the only one, who makes a big deal out of my birthday and then she's really the only one to spoil my mood... No, I don't want to blame her or to rant here. Who knows, maybe it's partly my fault that I don't share her emotions and so she feels neglected... It's not a problem that can be solved easily, but my birthdays are one of those occasions, when this problem becomes sharp, and that's why I dislike them. Other than that I have no problem with people wishing me a happy birthday, so don't worry about that.

So I'm 24 now and perhaps I'm entering that age when you start comparing your past expectations with what you've achieved in reality. I used to think that at this age I'd already be quite mature and that maybe I'd already have my own family! Yeah, I find it so funny to think of now, because now it doesn't seem very likely that I'd ever want to have children ;) At least not anytime soon... But I guess it's normal that as a teenager I used to think of my future life using some standard schemes and trying to fit into them. It takes time to leave the comfort zone and to start living the way that feels the best for you, without any ready guidelines. I still don't feel I'm 100% ready for that, some part of me still compares herself to the social expectations, but hopefully I'll be getting there one day. I'm also starting to feel "old", which I know will sound ridiculous to my friends, as most of them are older than me ;) I suppose "old" isn't the right word. It's more that... I feel that I'm already grown up and there's no time to wait for my "real life" to start. It's here and now... For this reason, I've made a decision, which will probably be surprising for most of my readers.

I'll live there. Well, maybe not exactly on the beach :P

I'm going to move to Kyiv. Yes, this person, who's well-known for hating capital cities and for mocking people from capitals, is going to move to Kyiv. I've made the decision a week ago, during my lovely weekend in Sviatohirsk. Of course, I have some doubts and am afraid of changes, but I want to believe that it's my final decisions. I've always had problems making serious decisions, I'd procrastinate them until the last minute, then become hysterical... and yeah... that's not the way I want to do it now. I'm not moving today or tomorrow, it will still take a few months. But I'm sure I want to do it. And you know what? I'm really thankful to my Dad for pressurising me a bit to choose the city where I want to live, even if this pressure felt uncomfortable in the beginning. I've just realised one thing...

Even though I felt uncomfortable living in Lviv since day one (which was in 2010), I made my peace with living here, wasn't desperate to leave anymore and was ready to stay here for 3 more years to do my PhD. It was only the conversation about buying the flat that switched the red light in my head on and made me realise that I don't want to have a flat in Lviv, because it would bond me to a city, which I don't really like. Just a few days later I realised that even if there had been no conversation about buying property here, staying in Lviv wouldn't have been a good option anyway. Not even for 3 years. Doesn't our whole life consist of such short periods of 1, 2 or 3 years? You can go on like this forever, living in a place or situation that is uncomfortable for you, telling yourself that it's "just one more year to go"! That's what I told myself last year, when I decided to do my MA in Lviv. Just one more year to go. But a few months later I was already thinking of "3 more years to go"... No, it's not the way I want to live my life. I have no bad feelings neither for Lviv, nor for people living here. I just don't share their mentality and won't ever belong here. I'm already grown up and I have no time to waste dreaming of a better place, where people would be more tolerant and understanding, while in fact I can just move and try something new.

Why Kyiv? Because there are always more perspectives in the capital city and because the capital is a mix of everything. There are people from different regions, the city is perfectly bilingual and nobody cares who are you and where are you from. It's easier to be a freak in Kyiv. I don't know, if I'll stay there for a long time. I must admit I still hope to come back to D. when the war is over, even if it becomes a capital of unrecognised state (it seems that I can't avoid living in the capital, it's destiny!) :P But having a property in Kyiv is always a good option, because all the other cities are cheaper and therefore it becomes easier to move. I never dreamed of living in the capital and it's not like I'm enthusiastic about this idea. Not at all. But it seems to be the most sensible solution at the moment and I'm looking forward to discovering new paths in my life. I'm scared, but we have to take the risk sometimes. I just hope I didn't realise those of you, who have known me as a convinced capital city hater :P We all break our own principles sometimes...

That's it when it comes to my news. I hope you're not too shocked, and even if you are, you can still take a look at the wonderful pieces of mail that I've received last week :)

Fom Maude in France, sent from Germany :)

After a long break, it was so nice to receive a letter from Maude! :) She still lives in France, but very close to the German border, so she sends her letters from Germany - you see, I'm not the only one to send letters from different countries ;)

From Martina in Slovenia

A very nice letter from Martina in Slovenia with  alot of different stamps on the envelope :)

From Anastasia in Ukraine

I've also received two Ukrainian letters. One from Anastasia, with whom I've been corresponding for almost 5 years...

From Vita in Ukraine

And a second letter from my new Ukrainian penpal Vita, with whom I can already feel some connection, as we seem to have much in common!

From Tündi in UK

A birthday card and very yummy chocolate from my dear Tündi :)

From Tasha in UK

Another nice birthday card from Tasha in UK :) It actually reminds me of a town named "Щастя" (meaning "Happiness") in Ukraine. I've been there once, so I think I can say that I've found my way to Happiness :D

From Antonina in Ukraine

My dear friend Antonina has send me birthday cards and a lot of stickers :) I hope my letter will reach her soon... Probably it wasn't a good idea to send it from D. region?

From Essi

And finally a great surprise from my Finnish friend Essi! :) She's on her Asian trip now and has sent me a postcard from Vietnam!!! That's so nice of her and that's my first piece of Vietnamese mail ;)

I've also sent two letters in Kyiv themed envelopes ;)

For Søren in Iceland

For Arjen in Belgium

Speaking of any balance in my mail is pointless at the moment, but please remember that there were also long periods of time, when I was totally caught up with my letters... I'm not such a terrible penpal as I seem to be at the moment. And now I'm gone to write another letter... ;)